1. Aquagraph

    Aquagraph Aug 31, 2017

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    The other day I was in a shopping centre and I was given a sample of a Bvlgari aftershave. Now I now Bvlgari isn't just a watchmaker, but it got me thinking... how long is it going to be before some bright spark decides the world needs a TAG Heuer aftershave?

    So I was thinking, they'd probably start with one and expand the range to cover all the bases, and I think it would probably go something like this.

    HEUER FOR MEN (The original and best, obviously)
    ----------------------------------------------------------------------
    Looks like - Comes in a bottle shaped like Steve McQueens head with a spoked steering wheel lid
    Smells like - A freshly opened 1960's Ferrari Formula One engine
    Aimed at - People who follow Hodinkee and whinge about Mutant Carreras

    AQUARACER
    -------------------
    Looks like - Comes in a bottle shaped like a surfboard
    Smells like - The sea off Cornwall
    Aimed at - Kids who think quartz Aquaracers are the coolest thing ever

    TOURBILLON
    -------------------
    Looks like - A surrealist sculpture of watch parts wrapped in a faux gold coating
    Smells like - Slightly girly, and befitting it's £100 a bottle price tag
    Aimed at - City boys and some women, possibly

    TAG HEUER
    -----------------
    Looks like - Just a big TAG HEUER logo in green and red glass. Subtle, like...
    Smells like - KoUros by YSL (Circe 1987)
    Aimed at - Mutant Carrera owners and Red Bull drinkers

    TAG HEUER SENNA
    -----------------------------
    Looks like - Comes in a glass replica of Senna's Helmet
    Smells like - Brazil nuts and papaya
    Aimed at - That bloke you see every morning with an original plastic TAG F1

    MONACO (Special Edition)
    ------------------------------------
    Looks like - A glass rendering of the Monaco GP Circuit
    Smells like - Gulf Oil
    Aimed at - The same people as 'HEUER FOR MEN' but more expensive.

    GRAND TOURBILLON
    ------------------------------
    Looks like - A black granite obelisk with no discernible lid.
    Smells like - Anthracite
    Aimed at - People with their own yacht
    Grand Tourbillon connects to your Connected watch and warns you when it's running out (since you can't see into the bottle) and requires a watchwinder type holder to prevent sediment forming (available separately).

    MONACO GULF 24 (Limited Edition of 100 numbered pieces)
    --------------------------
    Looks like - Another Steve McQueen head, but this time with Gulf stripes down the middle and a logo in the back of his head.
    Smells like - Almost exactly like Heuer for Men, but with the added bonus of a single bead of Steve McQueens sweat (extracted at great expensive from his original LeMans overalls)
    Aimed at - Traditionalists who just have to have something a little more special.
    Comes in a box the size of a bread bin, with one NATO strap and a 1" square piece of white material which purports to be from the same batch of cloth McQueens overalls were made from, a lock of Steve McQueen's hair and a certificate of authenticity signed by Jean Claude Biver.

    TAG HEUER EAU DE MONOPOLY (Limited Edition of 10 numbered pieces)
    -----------------------------------------------
    Looks like - Diamond encrusted TAG Heuer logo with paint splatters by Alec Monopoly
    Smells like - A spit encrusted bandana
    Aimed at - Nouveau TAG fans with no respect for tradition or history!


    Which one are you?
     
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  2. imagwai

    imagwai Aug 31, 2017

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    Lol @ Eau de Monopoly :)

    I don't use aftershave, but if I did it would have to be Heuer for Men
     
    WernerBoeinck likes this.
  3. automobilia42

    automobilia42 Aug 31, 2017

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    TAG Heuer, I use Kouros often but I don't have a Carrera and only drink coffee.
    100ML Eau de Toilette spray please!
    And make its formula like YSL used to back in the '80's, with the exact ingredients.
    As the modern version is a weak, chemical hint that smells like "Kouros".
     
  4. OttoWilliam

    OttoWilliam Aug 31, 2017

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    I am sure JCB would call you about business proposal anytime soon...
     
  5. Aquagraph

    Aquagraph Aug 31, 2017

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    I'll be waiting!
     
  6. abrod520

    abrod520 Aug 31, 2017

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    You know, I think I would actually buy a fragrance that smells like a freshly-opened 1960s Formula 1 engine. Wouldn't wear it on myself of course, but if I could find a way to diffuse it throughout my apartment....

    When I was young, a cousin of mine had a Porsche 930 Turbo, and I'll never forget the "eau de air-cooled Porsche" from his garage.
     
  7. Pitfitter446

    Pitfitter446 Aug 31, 2017

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    I've got a bottle of Mont Blanc aftershave, wife bought it for me, nice smell, also a bottle of Mercedes aftershave, I have a MontBlanc watch but not a Merc. Frankly it's the scent that counts not the brand?
     
  8. Big Adam

    Big Adam Aug 31, 2017

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    You omitted:
    "Aquagraph"
    Bottled in Bicester.
    Overpowering tones of rubber.
    Definitely to be avoided if intending to wear leather and/or the colour brown........ever.
     
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  9. Big Adam

    Big Adam Aug 31, 2017

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    If they could bottle "Freshly unwrapped hifi equipment", I'd buy a bottle of that.
     
    dtf and Hubert like this.
  10. Aquagraph

    Aquagraph Aug 31, 2017

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    Hehehehe, good one!
     
  11. OttoWilliam

    OttoWilliam Aug 31, 2017

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    I was given a bottle of Montblanc perfume before. Forgot the name, something 'walker' at the back. It was not bad. I never buy it again after i finished the one was given to me though.
     
  12. OttoWilliam

    OttoWilliam Aug 31, 2017

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    Dont need to buy. Wait until JCB call him. You'll be getting a bottle for free. :D
     
  13. Aquagraph

    Aquagraph Sep 1, 2017

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    I was trying out some aftershaves at the weekend, there was a Montblanc one there, it was okay, but the lady said it was a limited edition. I thought, what's the point of that, so if I like it and it runs out I can't get it again? Stupid.